The InBetween Time
by Maipe
Summary: Jerry and Traci think about each other during their break-up. This takes place before the events of "Might Have Been."


**Jerry**

Jerry Barber sat at his desk engaged in what had become his regular pastime during the past couple of months. He had managed to perfect the art of appearing deeply engrossed in whatever paperwork he was shuffling around in front of him, or conversation he was holding, while actually devoting half of his attention to watching Traci Nash. It wasn't a talent that he was particularly proud of, or even one that he had wanted to acquire. Since he had come to realize that actually being oblivious to her presence wasn't possible for him, being able to give the illusion of obliviousness came in handy. Besides, he enjoyed watching her. It hurt, but it also gave him a certain degree of pleasure.

He liked watching her confidently taking on the challenges of her job, eagerly learning the ins and outs of police work. He got a rush watching her getting a rush with each accomplishment. It reminded him of her days in the academy as his student. She was the best in his class, absorbed everything. She stood out from the beginning. It wasn't just because she was beautiful, or that her smile made him weak, it was because she was perceptive, didn't miss a beat. The combination of beauty and intelligence was irresistible to him; he had to pursue her, it was like he couldn't help himself, even though it was against more than a few rules. Dating his student, an abuse of power. Like he was ever the one holding the power in their relationship.

He might have been the one who initiated the relationship, but she had set the rules, and then changed them when it suited her needs. Not that he minded, he had been content to just go along with her since she never asked for anything he wasn't happy to give, until of course she had asked him to let her go. But he even went along with that. There had been no point in arguing with her, or listing all of the reasons she was making a mistake. He knew Traci well enough to know that when she had set her mind on something no one was going to get her to change it. She was going to have to figure out for herself what he already knew, that it wasn't going to work between her and Dex.

Sometimes, Jerry thought about this period as being their in-between time. This was just the stretch of time in-between when they used to date, and when they would be back together again. As strange as it seemed, the longer they were apart the more confident he was that they would get back together. Some people would think that he was kidding himself or that it was wishful thinking, but he knew better, because he could see her trying harder and harder to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. The harder she struggled the easier it was to see that it wasn't working, and Traci was too smart to keep fooling herself forever.

Traci was passionate about her work, she was passionate about her son, and when they had been together she was passionate about Jerry. With Dex he knew she was going through the motions. She wasn't passionate abot Dex. Jerry knew how Traci moved when she was satisfied, the look in her eye when she was fulfilled or challenged. Lately, she didn't have it.

It wasn't conceit or arrogance that made him believe that Dex didn't excite or please her the way he did. He just knew what he knew. He felt it every time he caught her eyes across a room; when he leaned in close to speak to her, or when she lightly touched his hand when speaking to him about some trivial nonsense. He definitely knew it when they accidentally crashed into each other in the hall the other day and continued to touch for a few more seconds than was necessary or appropriate. He had caught her out of instinct, a reflex, to stop her from falling. He held onto her for other reasons. If they had been alone, and not in the middle of a police station, it probably would have ended very differently. There was still something there between them, something strong, and all the time she'd been spending with Dex hadn't done anything to weaken it.

He missed her. Missed holding her, making love to her. He missed talking to her and laughing with her. He missed watching her with her son, having both of them in his life. It felt like there was a big hole in his life, and he couldn't figure out how to fill it. He wasn't even sure exactly when she had gotten so deeply under his skin. To be honest what they had was still relatively new when they ended it. But they had been on the verge of something, and it was like they just stopped short. It wasn't finished between them, not by a long shot.

As hard as it was to not have her he knew it was only a matter of time before they would be together again, that's what made this in-between time bearable.

**Traci**

Traci caught her self repeating the words that had become her personal mantra. She was happy, she really was. She had made the right choice. She had exactly what she wanted, a career she loved and a real family for her son. She and Dex were raising Leo together, the way it should be. Fake it until you make it.

She glanced over at the detectives' office as she walked through the station. She spotted Jerry and quickly looked away before he could catch her looking. That was stupid Traci, she chided herself.

She really had to stop thinking about the man. It wasn't making her life any easier. Just the other day she had turned a corner too quickly and slammed right into him. When he grabbed her arms to steady her so she wouldn't lose her balance she stayed there, her body pressed against his, for just a little longer than necessary. It wasn't exactly on purpose, it was more like her body had a mind of it's own, and when he looked at her, his face mere inches away from hers, she found herself thinking how easy it would be to just move a little closer and kiss him. Easy and extremely embarrassing since there were at least five other cops walking through the corridor at the same time. The worse part was she suspected that he was thinking the same thing since he didn't exactly rush to let go of her, and the look in his eyes. She couldn't think straight when he looked at her like that, it did things to her.

She knew Jerry didn't agree with her choice to try to work things out with Dex. She knew he didn't believe that it would make her happy in the long run, but at least he understood and respected her choice, she had to give him credit for that. Plus he didn't try to make her doubt herself, not on purpose. It wasn't his fault that she still thought about him way too often. It wasn't his fault that when he was around she completely aware of his every movement. He was just being Jerry.

She way happy though, very, very, happy, she reminded herself as she walked out to her car and climbed in. She was going to home to her family. The family that she finally had given Leo.

Her son had his father around on a regular basis now. She didn't have to worry about who was going to take care of Leo when she was working. Though that made it seem like Dex was a live in babysitter, which of course he wasn't. They were together now. She was very happy.

Though of course being with Dex, physically, wasn't the same as being with Jerry had been. It wasn't like sex with Dex was a chore or anything. She knew him, she had a son with him, and it was familiar territory for her. So what if she never had that feeling that she couldn't keep her hands off of him. Was it really important that her heart didn't start to beat faster when he looked at her the way it did when Jerry so much as smiled in her general direction. So her heart didn't do leaps or anything. Dex had lost the power to do that to her a long time ago, too much water under that bridge. He had let her down too many times, but he was trying now, and seeing her son so happy went a long way towards making up for that. Anyway, that hungry feeling, the yearning and passion that Jerry inspired in her that wouldn't have lasted. It was only like that because it was still new and exciting still.

Not that mattered, since she was happy. Life was not all about hot sweaty sex, no matter how good the hot sweaty sex was. Family and commitment were the most important things. Her family was perfect now. Leo was the most important thing in the world to her, and she needed to know that Leo would be loved and protected. Nobody could do that better than a good father. Dex was trying to be a good father.

Of course it wasn't like Jerry had a problem with Leo, or that finding out she had a son made him pull away from her, if anything it was the opposite. Jerry had been excited when he learned she had a kid, eager even. It changed how he looked at her too. He had always treated her with respect, but it seemed like he had even more respect for her after he found out about Leo. Their connection only got deeper.

It of course didn't hurt that Leo liked Jerry, a lot. She was surprised how quickly the two of them clicked. Though a part of that was probably because Jerry took the time to talk to Leo like he was a person, and not talk down to him the way some people did with children. He seemed to take a genuine interest in Leo like he really wanted to get to know him.

She remembered the first time they had stayed over Jerry's place, the three of them together. Later, she had been so annoyed at Jerry for blaming Leo when his case notebook disappeared because she had thought that it had been the perfect weekend. They had so much fun together, and Jerry and Leo had really started to bond. On Sunday morning she had overslept and woken up to find her two men sitting in the living room watching cartoons together, just hanging out. Her two men. Traci caught herself. That chapter in her life was closed. Leo and Dex where her two men now.

She was happy.

She realized that she was almost home. Where did the time go, she wasn't quite ready yet. It was always easier to rush home when she worked the earlier shifts. When she knew Leo would be up and they could spend time together and she could talk to him about his day, make him dinner and put him to bed. She even enjoyed the times when it was the three of them, and she could see how happy Leo was. It was harder when she came home so late that Leo had already gone to bed, and only Dex was up waiting for her. Tonight was going to be one of those nights.

Sometimes she would try to tell him about her day, and he would listen, and try to understand. It really wasn't his fault that he just didn't get it or that she knew that Jerry would have understood completely. Jerry was a cop too, an experienced cop, he had been where she was and was where she was hoping to get, of course he understood. Though the part that he really got was her perspective on things, it was like he took the time to see it through her eyes.

She was happy though. Everything was the way it was supposed to be.

Of course Dex knew her, they had known each other for almost eight years. He knew her from experience even if he didn't understand her or get her. Jerry got her, he could understand and read her, when he was smart enough to pay attention.

Jerry had known she would hate being on desk duty, that it would never last, and he was right. She hadn't joined the force to sit at a desk, and she had been only too happy to get back out there, even if Dex hadn't been thrilled. He had to give her that though, it was like Jerry said, if she was twisting herself up in knots trying to make everyone else happy, she needed to be happy too. She caught herself again, of course she was happy. Everything was just the way it was supposed to be.

She was surprised at how quickly she found a parking spot; usually she would have to circle around for a while. She pulled in put the car in park and turned it off.

Home sweet home.

Traci took a long steadying breath and prepared herself to get out of the car. She excused herself for hoping that Dex was already asleep, it didn't mean anything, it had been a long night. She was tired and wanted a little alone time to unwind, it wasn't that she didn't feel like dealing with Dex. They were together now, and she was happy.

She was happy; she had made the right choice.

The thought entered her head before she could stop it. _So why do you feel like you are losing a little bit of yourself everyday. Why are still you thinking about him?_

She sighed and leaned back in the driver's seat. Who would it hurt if she sat in her car for just a little while longer and reminded herself of how happy she was.


End file.
